2 days ago I made a list of all the horrible, wonderful, sinful, delightful things I was going to shove in my face when the 101 days were finally over.
The deadline has passed. The Challenge is over. The food-fest can begin.
Uuumm…. I may have changed my mind.
For the past week I have been jonesing for all things forbidden… I didn’t even think I would be able to make it to the end of the 101 days. The countdown to freedom was KILLING ME.
Here I am standing on the other side of 101 days of eating only foods that I raise or pick or grow or harvest etc and I have yet to abandon the program. I have been free to eat whatever my heart desires for exactly 32 hours and I have yet to stuff myself with the forbidden fruit.
I know how stupid it sounds. I know it’s just absurd. You may have to experience this yourself to even believe me.
Here’s the deal.
When I couldn’t have it – I wanted it BAD. Just a bite. Just a taste. Just a spoonful. The desire was intense. I wanted off this restrictive eating plan. I wanted to eat something I didn’t raise. I wanted to eat sugar. I wanted to eat at restaurants. I wanted life to be easy again.
So, woke up yesterday morning (the first day off the challenge) and had planned to have some pie and coffee for breakfast. I had big plans for lunch. I was headed out of town with my son (who was paying a regional college a visit). The sky was the limit. If I want it – I can have it. You get the picture – food freedom….. here I come!
I even told DH yesterday at 6:15am that I was having Derby Pie for breakfast.
He said, “Yup, it’s over.”
I said, “You better believe it’s over.”
I milked the cows.
I fed the pigs.
I let my Cornish Rocks out of their coop, cleaned it out and made sure they were all set for the day.
When I got back to the house I didn’t want pie.
I wanted blackberry, whole wheat pancakes…. with fresh milled flour. All real ingredients, all from my hands.
And that big lunch I was gonna have, on the College campus – yeah, I packed a sack lunch I brought from home. Homemade crackers, cream cheese and 3 peaches (yes, all from our farm).
Now that I can have anything I want to eat… the restriction is gone. The challenge is over. The world is my oyster. I can eat anything. I just can’t bring myself to do it.
What is wrong with me?
I’m like a spoiled 2 year old.
- Parent: “You can’t have it.”
- Brat: “I WANT IT!” “I WANT IT!” “I WANT IT!”
- Parent: “Ok, fine, here.”
- Brat: “I don’t want it anymore.”
Yup, that’s me. When I couldn’t have it I was throwing a tantrum. Now that I can have anything, It’s lost it’s appeal. It’s desire.
What in the world is up with this? Here’s some thoughts I had about it:
“You want what you can’t have.”
“The grass is always greener.”
I think the truth for me is:
“It’s just not worth it.”
- I feel better than I’ve felt in years.
- I’m in better shape than I’ve been in a loooooooong time.
- I’m quite certain the amount of exercise I’ve been getting on this mission to grow enough food for us to eat, has burned more calories than most treadmills eat in 5 years.
Really, the gardening, the weeding, the picking, the CANNING. Few stoves have been through what I’ve put mine through and lived to tell about it.
I don’t think I’ve sat down since June 1.
To know that I’ve done something amazing for my body – it just seems wrong to mess it all up.
- I’m detoxed.
- I’m cleansed.
- I broke the addictions.
- I made it through the cravings.
- I am preservative free, additive free, hormone free.
- I have a clean slate.
Ack – I want to continue to give myself health. I don’t want to stop such a good thing.
What about that burrito???
The grand celebration is tonight – Even though yesterday was the first day off the 101 Day Food Challenge.
Wednesday’s are a precious time of the week that I have the privilege of spending with a group of 16 year old ladies. We laugh. We get in the Word. We pray. They are just amazing and I am blessed to be able to serve them. Since my Wednesdays are currently occupied by God and some sweet girls… the BIG Celebration will be happening tonight.
DH, me & the kids are scheduled to indulge in my burrito at approximately 6:00pm with a handful of my best friends and their families. They’ve been cheering for me all along and I couldn’t think of anyone else I’d rather celebrate with.
Will I be able to bring my self to eat the stupid burrito that I’ve been complaining about for over 3 months? Ugh….
Stay tuned, friends.
Girl v/s burrito coming soon.
Love to you all!