2 days ago I made a list of all the horrible, wonderful, sinful, delightful things I was going to shove in my face when the 101 days were finally over.
The deadline has passed. The Challenge is over. The food-fest can begin.
Uuumm…. I may have changed my mind.
Yeah, so I am not the first one to experience this…. or so I’m told by my mother.
For the past week I have been jonesing for all things forbidden… I didn’t even think I would be able to make it to the end of the 101 days. The countdown to freedom was KILLING ME.
Here I am standing on the other side of 101 days of eating only foods that I raise or pick or grow or harvest etc and I have yet to abandon the program. I have been free to eat whatever my heart desires for exactly 32 hours and I have yet to stuff myself with the forbidden fruit.
I know how stupid it sounds. I know it’s just absurd. You may have to experience this yourself to even believe me.
Here’s the deal.
When I couldn’t have it – I wanted it BAD. Just a bite. Just a taste. Just a spoonful. The desire was intense. I wanted off this restrictive eating plan. I wanted to eat something I didn’t raise. I wanted to eat sugar. I wanted to eat at restaurants. I wanted life to be easy again.
So, woke up yesterday morning (the first day off the challenge) and had planned to have some pie and coffee for breakfast. I had big plans for lunch. I was headed out of town with my son (who was paying a regional college a visit). The sky was the limit. If I want it – I can have it. You get the picture – food freedom….. here I come!
I even told DH yesterday at 6:15am that I was having Derby Pie for breakfast.
He said, “Yup, it’s over.”
I said, “You better believe it’s over.”
I milked the cows.
I fed the pigs.
I let my Cornish Rocks out of their coop, cleaned it out and made sure they were all set for the day.
When I got back to the house I didn’t want pie.
I wanted blackberry, whole wheat pancakes…. with fresh milled flour. All real ingredients, all from my hands.
And that big lunch I was gonna have, on the College campus – yeah, I packed a sack lunch I brought from home. Homemade crackers, cream cheese and 3 peaches (yes, all from our farm).
Now that I can have anything I want to eat… the restriction is gone. The challenge is over. The world is my oyster. I can eat anything. I just can’t bring myself to do it.
What is wrong with me?
I’m like a spoiled 2 year old.
Parent: “You can’t have it.”
Brat: “I WANT IT!” “I WANT IT!” “I WANT IT!”
Parent: “Ok, fine, here.”
Brat: “I don’t want it anymore.”
Yup, that’s me. When I couldn’t have it I was throwing a tantrum. Now that I can have anything, It’s lost it’s appeal. It’s desire.
What in the world is up with this? Here’s some thoughts I had about it:
“You want what you can’t have.”
“The grass is always greener.”
I think the truth for me is:
“It’s just not worth it.”
I feel better than I’ve felt in years.
I’m in better shape than I’ve been in a loooooooong time.
I’m quite certain the amount of exercise I’ve been getting on this mission to grow enough food for us to eat, has burned more calories than most treadmills eat in 5 years.
Really, the gardening, the weeding, the picking, the CANNING. Few stoves have been through what I’ve put mine through and lived to tell about it.
I don’t think I’ve sat down since June 1.
To know that I’ve done something amazing for my body – it just seems wrong to mess it all up.
I broke the addictions.
I made it through the cravings.
I am preservative free, additive free, hormone free.
I have a clean slate.
Ack – I want to continue to give myself health. I don’t want to stop such a good thing.
The grand celebration is tonight – Even though yesterday was the first day off the 101 Day Food Challenge.
Wednesday’s are a precious time of the week that I have the privilege of spending with a group of 16 year old ladies. We laugh. We get in the Word. We pray. They are just amazing and I am blessed to be able to serve them. Since my Wednesdays are currently occupied by God and some sweet girls… the BIG Celebration will be happening tonight.
DH, me & the kids are scheduled to indulge in my burrito at approximately 6:00pm with a handful of my best friends and their families. They’ve been cheering for me all along and I couldn’t think of anyone else I’d rather celebrate with.
Will I be able to bring my self to eat the stupid burrito that I’ve been complaining about for over 3 months? Ugh….