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Snow Skiing and Other Things

If you’ve never taken your children snow skiing this post will either make you want to do it today or make you never want to go skiing depending on if you share my sense of humor.

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We went twice.  The first time it snowed all day.  The second time it was sunny and spring-like and we took our coats off.  There are pics from each trip mingled in this post, which could be really confusing….. Some pics are a blizzard and we are bundled up like no ones business.  Other pics are sunny & we are coatless.  Down right confusing.  skiing 1

I have reached the blessed point in motherhood when I am not dealing with diapers, potty-training or naps.  Everyone is always awake all day (most of the time) and pretty self-sufficient.  Which also makes me want to cry and get pregnant, by the way.

Anyhow, the kids are getting bigger and we can do things like go snow skiing without having to wear a baby bjorn, hire a sitter or take half our home with us.  Yay!

Our kids have never skied before so it was fun to see them get their “ski-legs” on.

We went with a homeschool group so the entire day was affordable and fun.  We paid a (super cheap) flat fee that included lift tickets, ski rental (and boots and poles), lunch (I’m using this term loosely – what we were given was far from what I consider a “lunch”), drinks, and as many lessons as you would like to take.  They have them every hour & everyone is welcome.

I don’t know what was more fun….  dropping 4 children off at lessons and having DH all to myself on the slopes or laughing at my kids trying to ski.

I am such an awesome mom.

Thoughts on the first ski trips with my kids:

 1 SNOWBOARDERS we are not.  

My baby started with a snowboard on the first day but happily traded it in for some skis after lunch.  Ugh.  I think that snowboard made all 6 of us miserable.  Even with a lengthy lesson – he just couldn’t get it.  To all you snowboarders out there – you are gods.  You are amazing.  I don’t know how you do it.  My hat is off to you.

2 SKI LIFTS are freaky.  

Oh, my, oh me.  You should have been there.  You should have heard my children.  You should have seen their faces when they gazed upon their first ski lift.  Ba Ha Ha Ha Ha!!  DH and I used to ski when we were just young pups.  I never thought much about the lifts….  Until now.

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“Are they going to stop it so I can get on?”

“Are they going to stop it so I can get off?”

“Where are the seat belts?”

“Why isn’t there a bar to hold us in?”

“Have people fallen off these?”

“This isn’t safe!”

“Mom, quit moving!”

“These are not a good idea.”

“Who ever came up with this should be fired.”

“I can’t believe people ride these.”

“Can I just walk up the hill?”

No, none of my 4 children approve of ski lifts.  They think they are insane. They think they are dangerous.  They think they are nuts.  They think they need bars or belts or some sort of safety device.  I never thought much about ski lifts until I got on one with my children.  And I laughed every time we got on one.  Ha!

3 Beware of a “Free Lunch” 

Yes, the ski package included a “free lunch.”  What we were not told was that the lunch was going to consist of a hot dog, a bag of chips and a capri sun.  Not food.

The first time I ate the chips and the capri sun (it was one of the real juice kind) and took a bite of the hot dog.  Ugh.   Gag.  Hack.  My body hates me.  I threw it in the garbage.

The second time we went skiing I packed some nuts, fruit and water.  No thanks for the free lunch food like substances.

4 Speaking of ski lifts

My baby lost 2 skis and 3 poles at some point loading or travelling on the assorted ski lifts.  He spent the remainder of his time on ski lifts (when he was not complaining about the lack of safety restraints) pointing out all his ski equipment that was littered all over the slopes.

“Hey Mom, see that pole down there  leaning against that wall?  That’s mine.”

5 DH’s Skiing Advice

Listen at your own risk.

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DH is an insane skier.  He’s been skiing most of his life.  He’s good and he’s a show off and he can bite me.  He skis with my baby between his legs.  He spins around and skis backwards.  He has the ability to go from flying down a slope to a complete stop in 2 seconds and look good doing it.  If you happen to be standing near where he stops and he is showing off for you (ahem – me) he will cover you in snow as he stops (with a big smile on his face).  He skis down hills at ridiculous speeds and has so much momentum going when he reaches the bottom he is able to hang a left turn and ski UP the adjacent ski slope.  Which I’m pretty sure is illegal and, at best, not safe.  Are you listening, Honey?

Show off.

My ski-pro husband gave our 4 children this advice:

  1. Learn how to snowplow
  2. Don’t fear the speed

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My youngest daughter (pictured above) took DH’s advice to heart and ran with it.  It didn’t matter what the hill looked like.  It didn’t matter how long, how deep, how steep or what color was at the top of the hill warning cute, little girls to stay away.  She not only went down – she went DOWN… straight down.  When I ski I am a side-to-side skier.  You can count on me to go from the farthest point on the right side of the slope to the farthest point on the left side of the slope.  I barely head downhill.  It takes me 30 minutes to ski down a slope that everyone else can ski in 5.

Not my youngest daughter.  No side to side.  No snow plow.  Nope.  Straight down.  No fear.  I told her to plow.  It told her to slow down.  I told her that when she falls she’s going to die.  She said,

“Mom, it’s easier to go straight down.”

Ugh.  Well, I’m happy to report that she didn’t die.  She didn’t even fall.  Which is not fair.

6 I hate snowboarders.  

Speaking of falling,  I fell approximately 16 times and none of them were my fault.

Remember, we were with a homeschool group. Homeschoolers sometimes always  have lots of children.  Therefore, there were lots of children on the slopes.  Since every boy under the age of 19 was on a snowboard, there were snowboards everywhere.  And these were not proficient snowboarders.  These were ametuer snowboarders who had no clue what they were doing.   I was wearing purple and I’m pretty sure someone put a bullseye on the back of my jacket.

All day, I was mauled by snowboarders.  Every Time I would move to the side of the slope and turn around to check on my kids some snowboarder would come out of nowhere and try to kill me.  It didn’t matter how hard I tried to avoid snowboards – they still managed to find me;  and blast me off my skis.

Stupid snowboards.

7 Snow Plowing

Well, when you are new to skiing, the “snow plow” is your best friend.  This is one of the first techniques taught in ski school.  The new skiers are shown how to point the “tips” of their skis in (toward each other- think pigeon toed).  This creates friction and slows you down.

My youngest daughter didn’t bother with this move – she’s the downhill Kamakazi.  My baby caught on.  My oldest daughter caught on.

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BUT My oldest son (the 15 year old) was The Snowplow Master.   By the end of the day he was known as, “The fastest snow-plower on the slope.”

8 The ski lift operator 

Apparently, the guy operating the ski lift at the bottom of the bunny hill had just taken a shower.  He was fresh.  He was clean.  He smelled like…. a ferret.

We get on the lift and my oldest daughter looks at me and says, “I smell the ferret.”

This is not a good smell, by the way.  If you want to know more about what ferrets smell like go here.

I said, “What?”

She said, “That guy  is wearing the same deodorant that Frrt wears.”

Frrt is our ferret.  He has a serious problem with smelling  bad and is trying to make my entire house smell like death.

Something had to be done.  Baths don’t work.  Cleaning the cage 3 times a day doesn’t work.  Cologne doesn’t work.  We are desperate.  Bring me some deodorant.

Yes, we may hose our pet ferret with men’s deodorant occasionally to help him with his BO.

Please don’t send me hate mail about how it’s not healthy for the ferret, and he’s going to die from deodorant poisoning.   Our ferret is not your average ferret.  He has super-duper, powerful, stink glands.  The guy at the pet store said they were removed – but I think he’s a liar.  Until someone can make his smell go away, he will wear deodorant.  If he happens to drop dead from the intermittent bursts of Dry Idea it’s not gonna be the end of the world – my house will smell a lot better.   Sorry.

So, the ski lift operator and Frrt use the same deodorant.

9 Ski Lifts – again

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OK, so we are back to the ski lifts.  For whatever reason they were the focus of the skiing experience.  It didn’t matter how much fun you had going down the slope or how well you did.  NOW you must get back up the slope.

Skiing is one thing.  Successfully maneuvering the ski lifts is something else entirely.

First you must load yourself, your kids, your skis, your poles, the hats, gloves and whatever else you have attached to you onto the lift. 

  • No they don’t stop.
  • No they don’t (usually) slow down.
  • They just keep moving.
  • You must move into the line.
  • Follow the lift chair in front of you.
  • Get in position and prepare to sit on the bench after it loops around behind you.

If you’ve never been skiing this is a bit hard to understand.  For a first-timer, a ski lift is a horror show.

If you manage to get loaded with both your skis and poles and everything else still intact – you are a super star.  My baby could not do this to save his life.  He spent the first 5 hours we were there distributing skis and poles randomly around the slopes.  He either lost a ski, or a pole or both during his loading escapades.  We were just happy he made it on safely.

Then there’s the dismount.

  • No, they don’t stop for you to get off.
  • No, they don’t slow down for you to get off.
  • Yes, you must ski off the ski lift or you will be riding the lift back down the mountain and up again and we’ll see you in an hour.
  • It doesn’t matter if you can’t ski.
  • It doesn’t matter if this is your first time on the slopes.
  • It doesn’t matter if this is your first time on a ski lift.
  • When you get to the top of the hill it is time to dismount.

Get off!  Stand up!  Ski!  Don’t fall!

And if you DO FALL – Get up quick!

Get out of the way!

Or there will be a pile-up of random skiers on top of you and your baby.  Because ski lifts don’t stop.  The person behind you will be getting off.  In approximately 10 seconds.  Hurry!  Get out of the way!

If DH & I are dismounting together we discuss the plan just before unloading – You go right.  I’ll go left.  And off we go, no problem.  On to the next run.

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If you are dismounting with one of my children just brace yourself.  They can’t go right.  They can’t go left.  They can barely even stay upright.  There is a 100% chance that my baby will fall as he dismounts.  There is an equally high chance he will fall right in front you and take you out.  If he doesn’t fall and land in front of you it is because he has grabbed on to your for dear life trying to not fall and there is a pretty good chance you both will be eating snow.   Either way, you are going to fall.   If you don’t get yourself & the small child back up in 5 seconds;  the next people unloading off the ski lift will soon be on top of you.

Will I be going back for more?

YES!  

Big fun.  Love skiing.  It’s even better with children (which I think most things are).

Who wants to go skiing with us?

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XO,

Candi

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